Being Alone (sort of)

It's been a while since I last posted anything in here. To tell you the truth, I'm actually not that comfortable putting my thoughts out loud, though I sincerely (secretly) enjoyed reading through my friend's musings! :D There are certain blogs that I follow daily, ye.. daily! I also believe Che Narimah and other STF's English teachers (if they ever blog-hop, that is) would be so proud to see that their students are able to articulate their thoughts fluently in this language for the world to see. Tak sia-sia la usaha mereka, right? ;)

Anyway, it's been about 2 months plus that I've been on my own with Uya since FHA left for Kolkata. I guess I'm starting to get used to things - being alone (sort of) without him physically here. It sure helps that we communicate with each other daily either via sms/email and/or phone calls and also through the wonderful FB! How come I've never been interested in FB before?! It's amazing how I've been able to reconnect with long lost friends through it.. it's just so wonderful! Well, back to being alone - even though at the beginning it's kinda liberating (freedom, yeah baby!) to do anything and everything that I wanted without having to compromise with the partner - after a while it becomes tiresome lah pulak. Like everything you have to decide on your own. And having to do everything on your own pun (think car servicing, light bulbs/wall plugs fixing, betulkan washing machine rosak, etc) is sooo NOT fun! Made me realize that I've been taking FHA for granted for certain things while he was around.. huhu.. tu tak kira time yang tetiba rasa scary or paranoid of bad people breaking and entering the house! It's funny how if he's around, I don't even bother double-checking whether the front door is locked properly or how I turned to be this very electricity-savings-conscious person (suma lampu tutup di kala tidur ye!)... but now that he's not here, checking the front door twice or thrice before going to bed has become a routine; not to mention keeping the stair lights on the whole night (just so that I can check/see the shadows of bad people if they broke in - from underneath the bedroom door!).. talk about energy conservation, huh? Yeah, at times like those I miss FHA's the most. What got me through it is the thoughts of my mom la - if she can survive being alone (of sorts).. I guess I can at least try.. hmm..

But one thing that came out of this separation is the chance for me to rediscover myself. I think when you are married, your interests sort of 'merged' with your other half - especially so when you spend a lot of times together. But now that I'm alone, I realized that I can (try to) develop my old/other new-found interests - such as gardening, spending more time with my sisters/nieces and re-establishing/strengthening relationships with friends. Maybe I should also try to improve my cooking skills (though to get people to come and eat it is a challenge jugak coz close friends dok jauh2) so that bleh la impress FHA when he comes home.. hmm.. On the other hand, alhamdullah Uya so far has been an angel - she doesn't throw tantrums so much nowadays (I noticed she did this a lot more when her papa was home - definitely more manja with him la kan!) and basically we've managed to get along fine. Having said that, I've to say that I'm surprised at how mature she feels at times.. like when Mumbai bombings/terrorists news shocked us the other day, she cried saying that she didn't want her papa there and that she's worried if anything happens to him :( She also wasn't that excited if I told her that papa is coming home coz she said "he'll be going back to India soon, bukannya balik for good".. huhu.. she's only 5 and already realizing how the world works! isk iskk.. I just hope this 3-year stint will be the only time we're not together as a family and heck, if FHA is assigned to any other countries after that, we'd follow him around. Sib baik la he gets to come home every now and then..