S n a p s h o t s

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

2010-08-28T10:00:00.001+08:00

Salam Ramadhan.. bulan yang penuh dengan keberkatan! We've passed the half-month mark a couple of days ago. Syukur alhamdulillah, Uya has managed to fast throughout except for 1 day where she had an injection at school. Nurse suruh makan ubat tahan sakit - so terbatal lah puasa. I didn't expect for her to be this committed and larat puasa considering the fact that last year she only managed to fully fast for 1 day! But perhaps her cousins' past year's achievement is motivating her to get through the day. Apa2 pun, I kept telling her this (the hunger & thirst) must've been what the unfortunate felt (we recalled our visit to Kolkata where many people live on the street! isk!) - and on a daily basis some more, with probably no food even during waktu berbuka. Fasting is really a blessing coz at the end of the day, it made you realize how lucky you are to have food on the table and feel the nikmat makan waktu berbuka puasa. MasyaAllah..

Anyway, this weekend we're staying put in Melaka. For the past 2 weekends we've been going back to Ipoh & Putrajaya to break fast with family and friends. But 3rd week in a row? Maybe not. Plus I really need to sort out my old clothes/spring clean my closets. Terlampau banyak baju! Uya's also. She's growing out of her pants/jeans/dress so fast! So need to get new sets for her (baju raya lah tu). Talking about baju raya, this year I don't quite feel the need to splurge especially coz on 3rd raya we're going on a family trip to Penang. Teluk Bahang to be specific.. and the activities that we have in mind does not involve traditional baju kurung lah! I can't wait to go on the trip coz it's been a while when all of our family members are in town. Fortunately this year, my youngest brother (whom everyone calls Adik - hence nickname 'Pak Su Adik') came back from UK and we'll get to celebrate raya together soon, insyaAllah :)

Have a blessed Ramadhan, everyone! It's leaving us soon.. so lets grab the chance to do good as best as we can. Semoga semua amalan baik kita di bulan ini diberkatiNya. Amin..

The Episode

2010-04-07T00:57:00.000+08:00

I've been at home for a week plus now, recovering from the laparoscopic surgery to remove the endometriosis (and infection!) on 27th Mar. This is the second time that I've been warded into a hospital the minute the gyne (first case at Pantai Hospital 7 years back, and now at Putra Hospital) did an ultra-scan on my uterus. Funny thing was, in both cases, I didn't feel I was sick. 7 years ago, Fairuza was not due for another week and I didn't feel any rush of water coming out to explain the 'lack of / decreasing amount of amniotic fluid'. But the gyne explained the risks involved and after a number of phone calls to my family and friends, I resigned to the fact that my first baby would be born via cesarean section.

This time though, I had an abnormal discharge throughout the week that didn't feel quite right. Since I've been tracking my monthly periods (we were trying to get pregnant, to no avail, obviously) I knew it was not the regular menses. It didn't look or smell like blood even though it was watery and brownish in color. No itchiness either, so that strikes out infection. I couldn't figure it out. Went to my company's clinic and the staff nurse was kind enough to give me a referral letter to a specialist. As I thought I was making it a bigger deal than what it was, I went to see my GP after work the next day. Since she attended to me throughout my first pregnancy, she would've known what's wrong (or so I thought). She said I was going through my ovulation period and there's nothing to be worried about; prescribed me some folic acid to get me going on the 'trying-to-conceive' plan and dismissed my case. Well, looking back, I'm glad I followed my instinct and went ahead to get myself checked at Putra the following day.

Apparently my condition was quite bad, as indicated via the ultra-scan and c-scan. There's a lesion/cysts on the left side that was clearly indicated on the CT images. To confirm what it was, the gyne said she would need to perform a key-hole (laparoscopy) surgery to have a visual inspection of the condition inside my abdomen / pelvic region. This way she could see clearly what's happening to my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, etc and diagnose my problems more accurately. She obviously thought my condition was so bad (even though I didn't feel any pain when she examined and poked me all over) that she admitted me into the ward right away.

At that point, I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. I wasn't feeling any pain, I was all alone here with millions of things to take care of (Fairuza, for one - work, the other). I just took a few hours off work to get things checked and should be on the way to Putrajaya after work for a treasure hunt stint to Penang with my closest friends! I couldn't just drop everything off and lie in bed now?? But the gyne was adamant, asked me to deal with it via phone calls and made sure I wasn't going anywhere - she even ordered her staff to put me on a wheelchair and wheeled me into the ward (which I totally refused, coz hey lady, I could still walk here!).

Anyway, I called my hubby, who was millions (err.. okay, maybe thousands) miles away and frantically explained the situation to him and cried over the phone coz I was shocked and didn't know what to do and needed him here pronto. Thank God he had an open ticket and able to take the last flight out of Kolkata to Singapore & KLIA the same day. Thank God my babysitter was understanding enough to let my daughter sleep over at their place for the night. Thank God I had a spare house key stashed in my drawer at work and thus a good friend was able to bring over my overnite bag (which was already packed for the Penang trip). And lastly syukur alhamdulillah my mom and sisters made it a point to come visit me the very next day, and arrived at the hospital just before I got into surgery. If not for me, they were definitely a comfort to my daughter, who started crying whenever I called her to explain I'm in a hospital the night before. It must've been hard for her :( Even at this age if my mom was warded for whatever reason, I'd feel this knot in my gut and would've run to check on her right away.

So.. that's how I ended up with only one fallopian tube. And monthly Zoladex injection until Sept'10. And hysteroscopy with salpingography scheduled for later.

Hopefully after all these trouble, our second baby will materialize. God willing, insyaAllah.

Al-fatihah..

2010-02-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

Today was such a sad day. Heard early in the morning that one of my colleagues had passed away. Abg Zul Zakaria, worker extraordinaire, who disregarded his health for the company.. which brings to mind the phrase 'kerja sampai mati'! :( A jovial guy, with a smile always on his face, helpful to everyone most times. I remember him as one of the technicians who helped me a lot during my early working years here. He was also my dear neighbor.. whose kids played with mine whenever they got the chance to. Abg Zul left 5 young kids with a stay-at-home wife. My heart goes to kak Anum.. I really hope she'll get through this ordeal..

His death affected most of us at the refinery. Hundreds showed up at the Occupational Health Center this morning and subsequently assembled at the surau to recite Yasin and prayers for Arwah. His family joined us after a short briefing by the doctor. Somebody went to fetch his eldest son from the boarding school and he got in by the end of our session. At a tender age of 14, he's now the head of the family. Already an 'anak yatim'. I couldn't look at his daughter, Aishah, who played with Uya the most, without choking back tears. I imagined my daughter in her place and it just broke my heart :( His youngest son, three years old, still couldn't comprehend the situation. He jovially looked at the crowds and pointed me out to his mom, who couldn't stop crying. The whole situation was so bleak, even the sky let up, when all these while Melaka has been suffering this heat, HOT, hottest season ever..

The cause of death? Most probably heart attack. Though with no post-mortem performed, nobody can tell for sure. The signs were there, surely.. Abg Zul was hospitalized a couple of years back due to stroke (if I'm not mistaken).. and they said he had an enzyme problem that caused his heart to beat at 140. Not good especially for someone who was overweight. Probably caused too much strain. Couple that with stress at work and probably other problems - finally (probably) the heart had had enough. But as they said, all these are just 'penyebab'.. the truth is, his time has come. Innalillah.. from God we came, and to Him we shall return..

Al-fatihah to arwah Abg Zul. You are loved by a lot of people. You've done good here in this temporary world. May your soul rests in peace... AMIN..

Random Thots

2010-01-23T23:07:00.001+08:00

It's already been 23 days into the new year. Doesn't feel so new now. I'd always remember I spent the start of 2010 in the longest shutdown ever. Penat weh. And it ain't over yet.. *sigh*

******

Didn't have time to write New Year's resolution. It's the same though, year in year out. But this year I also aim to be kinder, more patient and more observant to people around me. One good thing about setting yearly targets is if you look at it daily, your subconscious mind would find a way to make it real (or so they say). Take last year - I noticed I achieved 80% target weight loss after I started tracking my diet and exercise.. heh! I guess most people has weight loss on top of their NY's resolution list. Why is that? Are we so bombarded by all these skinny actress/models on TV/movies that most feel inadequate in his/her own skin? Hmm..

It feels good to loose weight though, especially when I can fit back into my engagement kebaya! :-)

******

Nowadays whenever I lie down to sleep I think about dying. I dunno why. I can't be tired of life now, can I? There's so much to do and God sure knows I'm so not ready to 'go'. But it is a good muhasabah of sort. Last I thought about dying was when I went to get my head scanned. I was worried about Fairuza mostly. Who would take care of her if I'm gone? :(

******

Had a mock interview just now. Found out I'm so unprepared for the assessment next 2 days. Why am I so pessimistic about this? It's not like I'll be here forever! 7 years countdown has started...

******

I probably need to add 'be more optimistic' in my NY's resolution list!

Live Like We're Dying

2010-01-06T22:26:00.001+08:00

Live Like We’re Dying (Kris Allen)

Sometime we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s too late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin’ it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

Well if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there’ll be no one on the line

Yeah… we gotta start lookin’ at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This all we got and we gotta start thinkin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

You never know a good thing until it’s gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
Why we think we're right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah… we gotta start lookin’ at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start thinkin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

Status Check

2009-12-29T22:33:00.000+08:00

Day count: 20

Days left: 30

Physical health status: Feel quite feverish today, even though was out in the cloudy sun only for 2 hours (compared to 3 hours yesterday). Maybe coz after berpanas2, bersejuk2 pulak 1 jam in the cabin.. hmmm...

Mental health status: Temper dah short nowadays, jangan la ada yang buat2 tak ingat plak 'scope of work, end date, etc'.. memang la nak kena. I'm turning into one garang lady now.

I wonder how I'll survive the next long month! :(

I definitely need a break..

Boss from hell..

2009-12-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

We are on Day 7 (of 50) of the refinery's Revamp/TA now, and for this time period I'm reporting directly to a different superior. I'm feeling a bit better today.. after so many crappy days before. Had about enough of people's huge ego to last me a lifetime! It makes me feel embarrassed that such a person could be promoted as a GM of the company. Making people feel bad, demotivated and blaming each other is no way to get through this period. Nor would it help if you threaten, bully and micromanage others around! There must be a better way to lead - but I guess it's just my luck to be stuck with such a bad boss. Now I simply have a different regard to my fellow operation colleagues who had to report to him directly; I don't think I'd last as long as them here if I were in their shoes. Seriously.

So what makes a good boss?

To me, it would have to be someone who has the desire AND ability (knowledge/skills) to lead, manage and motivate his/her sub-ordinates. Kissing a** to get ahead doesn't count. Bad mouthing others are out too. Actually knowing what you're talking about is a must, and being able to motivate your workforce positively is such a plus. People need to know and understand WHY they are working their butts off for you. Give them the big picture and guide them to reach there (but please let them be creative about it!). Don't go military style on them, and DO NOT treat people like you're the only one who knows what to do. Realize that one person won't be able to achieve anything as it takes a team to reach any goal. Gosh, are these too difficult concepts to understand? These are key concepts in management - why can't anybody tell this guy that? Oh right, I forgot he never listens to anyone..

8 more years of this crap and I'm out.

Or maybe I just need a break *sigh*..

My Uya

2009-11-28T23:31:00.001+08:00

My Uya is starting school next Jan!! How time flies!

Rasanya baru je hari tu I hold her in my arms for the 1st time..

On her 1st birthday - she has already started walking at 9 months..

1st raya with the family. 8 months n counting :)

Uya at 7 months's old.. so tembam n happy!

We survived the 4-months old tantrums..

(nangis non-stop tetiap malam.. haih..)

She just turned 3-months here.

I'd be 'kekok' handling a baby if I have another one - it's been too long! :O

And on the day she was born.. 20th April 2003.

My dearest doter, I love you so much! Muahhss..

Come Home...

2009-11-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

I never thot a song about asking someone to come home could sound this haunting! But I'm soo loving it right now :-)

**************************************************
One Republic
Hello world
Hope you’re listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn

There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So I say you’ll

Come home, come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long, for so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home

Oooooh oooh

Sara Bareilles
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now yeah
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

Come home, come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long, for so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home

Ooooooh oooooooooooooh

Duet : Onerepublic – Sara Bareilles
Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here
Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here

So hear this now

Come home, come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long, for so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

One Republic
Ever known
So come home
Come home
Sara Bareilles
Come home, come home
I’ve been waiting for you
One Republic
Come home

Down down down

2009-11-16T22:59:00.006+08:00

Once in a while I feel like crap! It could be quite sudden, this mood swing.. I could be enjoying a good time with my friends but then some disturbing thoughts would flash in my head and I'll be withdrawn into my darker 'world' where sometimes nothing is right. And one of those times is now :(

If I know myself well enough, this moment will soon pass. I don't normally dwell on painful thoughts, though deep down I'm aware that it's one way of avoiding issues - as in if you don't think about it, it'll disappear soon. But the problem with this kind of thinking is that the problems will NEVER go away. It'll just 'hibernate' in my head for a while and resurface when I least expect it.

Oh well.. whatever it is, life goes on.. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel much better. Or not. At one point I'd really need to find someone to talk to about what's disturbing me. I need a stranger...

What now?

2009-11-08T10:16:00.002+08:00

I'm glad it's Sunday today. It was such a hectic week last week, and I'm afraid the next following ones won't be much better :( We're in countdown mode now to the MAJOR TurnAround/Revamp period.. I'm starting to have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it now. Still got too much to do, and apparently too little time. If we get through this project successfully, we definitely deserve the 'I survived the PSR2 Revamp Project' badge! hahaha..

On a lighter note, I'm looking forward to FHA's return this coming Tuesday! Yeay!! I'm so glad his work allows him to come home every now and then, the longest being 67days away, if I recall correctly. Though this trip will only be a short one (he's leaving on Saturday), but better than nothing lah. At least Uya will have the chance to rebond with his Papa for a couple of days (and we'll get our 'fix' :P) It'll be great if he can come back again for AidilAdha, but I'm afraid even if he managed to do that I won't be able to take any leave. Hmm.. see how lah later.

Anyway, I can't believe my daughter is starting primary one next year! Gosh, how time flies!! Dah besar dah anak dara aku nih... tapi adik tak de lagi.. isk isk.. Went back to Ipoh last weekend to check out my sister's brand new 2nd daughter. I wish I wish I soooo wish for a 2nd child! huhu.. But I believe Allah has a better plan for me, probably. I might not be able to handle a baby what with the big project around the corner now, but I sure hope we'll get one next year...

Good friends are hard to find..

2009-09-14T20:27:00.005+08:00

Went to Putrajaya last Saturday to break-fast with Cilik.. alhamdulillah, berjaya jugak misi nak berbuka sama2 tahun ni. Umah Cilik is like my 2nd house already.. hahaha.. can't remember now how many times I've slept over. Funny thing is, everytime gi tido kat umah dia I felt like we were back in high school - we could stay up all night talking about everything and nothing! One time we fell asleep almost at 5am! Macam la banyak sangat citer like bertahun tak jumpa :O.. Of coz the next day bangun sangat lambat lah (btw, kes2 camni hanya berlaku time hubby-ku tiada.. ladies night-out!)..

I love hanging out with Cilik. I think of all people, she understands me most (well, most of the time.. or else she just pretends to ;D). We've been friends for so long and she's just like a sister to me. Back in high school I think she's one of the people that breaks through whatever 'barrier' I had and became one of my best friends. I was such a reserved person back then (and even now, I think), kept to myself most of the times, terrified of speaking in public (camno ler jadik prefect dulu ntah) and dun quite like crowds. Such a nerd too. Cilik used to be my partner (ie: dok kat meja sebelah).. and she'd always be doing this lawak2 bodoh to make me laugh.. heh! But, we had fights too. Ada sekali tu tak kawan sampaikan kat kelas Chem Cikgu Maziah punya la susah nak buat experimen (kata lab partner!). Can't remember the others but one that sticks is becoz of her brown leather shoes. The ones yang kalu pegi prep has to be black in color (apa2 je la rules kat skolah dulu). So funny lah bila ingat balik zaman dulu2!

After high school we kept in touch. I remember everytime I got back for holidays from the States, the very first weekend we'll get together somehow. Either I went up to Kangar, or visited her at UTP or she came over to Ipoh. One time, a bunch of us (if I'm not mistaken together with Nora, Azeq, Yana, etc.) even crashed her dorm at UTP (USM engineering campus, at that time) and went to her lectures. And complained about the 3-hrs course where the lecturer kept membebel for the first 2 hours and rushed through lecture in the last hour - apakah?? I wrote to her a lot too when I was in college - tetapi adakah patut she wanted to return my surat2 to me the other day?? Mesti nak clear up closet kat rumah ler tuh.. cheh!

Our paths crossed again when she started work at ALAM in Melaka. Kebetulan I just started working in Sungai Udang and I remembered feeling so lonely coz I didn't have good friends around. Bila Cilik datang keja kat sini rasa sangat la gumbiranya! Serious! Like finally got light at the end of the tunnel gitu! But she didn't stay long. After a year (if I'm not mistaken), she's off to another stint. One thing about her is that she never settles for something lower than her expectation. Which explains her job-hopping-ness. But I admire her for knowing exactly what she wanted.. and went for it. I'm such a coward in that sense, I think. Hmm..

Anyway Cilik, if you're reading this, I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I really treasure our friendship. I'm glad we're still friends after all these years. You are the one person that I feel I can talk to about anything, be it my deepest secrets or my idealistic dreams. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and hopes with me, too. I pray all good things to go your way..

Datang rumah beraya nanti, tau! Have a safe trip home :-)

Blessed Ramadan

2009-09-04T20:00:00.009+08:00

Today is the 14th of Ramadan.. alhamdulillah, it's been a blessed fasting exercise for me so far. I've never felt more humbled than I've felt this year in performing the ibadah. Somehow, despite the busyness and craziness that is work, I find my days and nights fulfilled with thankful thoughts of every good things that have come my way.. syukur.. Funny how after being deprived of food and drink for a day you'd realize how pleasureable and satisfying it is just to taste the sweetness of kurma and to gulp a glass of water during break-fast! Truly, Allah is Great in 'testing' us with this deed so that we can feel this nikmat - Nikmat makan that we normally take for granted (especially when stuffing our mouth while watching TV! Memang la mindless eating.. uhuk..)

This year is also the first in err.. I can't remember how many years now.. that I woke up for sahur meals daily! Usually after the first few days, I'll be waking up just to have a glass of water and then went straight back to bed.. or even worse, not woken up at all. It must be coz Uya is such a sweet girl that she accompanies me for sahur most days. And also becoz I pity her if she goes to school without at least a slice of toast in her stomach. You see, she has started trying to fast.. and so far, the best she got was to 1pm. Which is good enough for now, considering she used to eat every 2 hours! Sekali makan sikit2, perut kecik.. then cepat lapar.. isk iskk... Maybe next year she'll have the strength to go all the way through (and I must make an extra effort to persuade her to eat a proper meal during sahur, then!)

Anyway, this year is the 2nd year that I spent most of Ramadan without FHA. He came back a couple of weeks ago and only managed to squeeze in 3 days of puasa here. Then he's off to Kolkata, and won't be back for Raya :( ..well.. during the 1st week, anyway. Owh syahdunya pertama kali beraya without my hubby! huhu.. Thank God he'll be able to come home the week after.

So this year will see me back in office on the 3rd or 4th day of raya. While the rest of the group are taking the whole week off to stuff themselves silly with family and friends' open houses' raya food and what not (even my non-muslim colleague, ye!) I'll be.. errr.. lets see.. (what should I do when no one is around to bother me?) haha.. Maybe I should get around to filing the stack of paperworks (that threathen to fall off my desk anytime), or finally be able to review the turnaround procedures (which is at the most bottom of my list, seriously - how I hate procedures!)... or reorganize the TA costing files? Hmm.. I guess I'll just make a list and tick it off later lah. One thing for sure, they'd better not disturb me during my cuti-cuti Malaysia the week after!

Here's wishing all of you another blessed 2 weeks of Ramadan :) Semoga amalan baik kita dalam bulan yang penuh berkat ini diterima Allah.. amin..

What's in my Head?

2009-08-06T22:59:00.003+08:00

I've been having this 'condition' inside my head for more than a week now - whenever I hear a dialing tone from my fixed line work phone, or people's voices in my handphone.. and the latest crazy one, whenever anyone around me coughed - I feel a 'buzz' in my head, right in the middle of it. Like an interrupted TV signal - u know, when Astro doesn't function due to heavy rain (or whatever) and there's this static thingy going on on TV? Feels like something like that. Hmmm.. susah nak explain. Actually I'm trying to voice out this condition coz I've to explain it to this Dr Nik (head specialist, I guess) at Putra Hospital tomorrow. I'm sure it's nothing... but still, it might worth the check coz I feel light-headed at times too. Pelik betul laa..

Especially when this staff nurse at our OHC said one of the engineering guys had my symptoms.. and his blood pressure was normal (as mine is, albeit a bit low) and when he was referred to a specialist they found this lump in his head! Yikes! Thank God it was detected early and he underwent surgery and is fine now.

So, lets hope tomorrow's check-up won't reveal anything nasty.. huhu..

Now that I think about it, perhaps it's about time to finally get in touch with Amanah Raya for the wasiat thingy..hmm..

Random Posts

2009-07-29T22:54:00.006+08:00

I've to try to be not too gullible lah.. something happened today that made me wish I'm a more cynical person. At least I won't fall for the 'believe me.. I just want the best for you' type. Hmm.. lets hope this thing gets worked out fast.

======

Sometimes I wonder whether I expect too much of people. But for a lawyer (or her clerk, irregardless) to be making petty mistakes (that even I can catch) TWICE, I think that just did it! *sigh* Sometimes I wish I can do these things on my own.. but of course cannot la. Maybe one day I'll wake up and decide to be a lawyer.. heh!

======

I miss a friend of mine. Used to be best friend, perhaps? Used to hang out and share everything with her. She told me once she knew this would happen.. that when we are apart, it won't be the same, and we might even end up not being friends. I wonder whether I'm too judgemental. I know I want the best for her. But why do I feel I can't tell her stuff? Or she can't tell me stuff? Like we used to? It's just sad.. :(

======

Uya dah tido. Tah apa mimpi tonight rajin plak nak read her 'Bijakbaca' and 'Phonics Reader'. Maybe coz esok got 'Ejaan' and 'Spelling' kot. I'm trying to get her to hang on to her Mandarin classes.. huhu.. just a couple more months and you'll be done with it, baby! Kalu drop out middle of the year.. mana plak teacher nak put you during that period, right? isk iskk.. Moral of the story.. takyah la berangan nak masukkan anak kat sekolah Cina walaupun mukanya seakan2 Cina... if she dislikes the language..

======

I'm getting the hang of things at work (finally?). Gosh, this work assignment is taking forever, seriously! Can't wait to start a new one! Wonder whether I made the wrong career move a couple of years back.. huhu..

======

Still waiting for a good news from my agent. Why la people want to rent our place but can't/don't want to fork out the deposits up front? And these people are professionals some more.. hmmm... makes me wonder also.. haih..

======

Really can't believe Yasmin Ahmad's gone :( innalillah.. her works touched so many hearts. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.. amin.. Al-Fatihah..

Yasmin, don't go.. yet!

2009-07-24T20:53:00.003+08:00

I'm shocked and sad to hear about Yasmin Ahmad's hospitalization. In fact, the first time I heard about it was that she already died! Isk isk... I'm just glad (a bit) to know that she was in the ICU and in a stable condition, and am praying for her speedy recovery. I started knowing about her through Petronas' merdeka/hari raya/CNY advertisements coz people say she was the brain behind each one. I just love the ads.. somehow they are able to depict Malaysians as the way we are. I especially liked it if Adibah Amin is in the scenes.. she's one funny lady! :)

Anyhow, Yasmin's film that touched me the most was Talentime. Don't get me wrong, I liked Sepet, Gubra and Muhsin.. but I feel Talentime just hit it right home! I watched it with my mom some more, and was weeping like crazy (seriously!) at the end of the scene - when Azean's character died from cancer at the hospital. The scene just reminded me soo much of my arwah Opah, who also passed away in the ward - and I can't imagine being in the same situation again :( I love the soundtrack too.. even went out to get the original CD, ye! And mind you, I'm not such a fan of Malay movies.. mostly becoz of the stereotypical storyline.

But Yasmin's movies are different! I'm looking forward to watching Muallaf and her on-going Japanese's movie project, Wasurenagusa. I hope she'll get well soon. She might be idealistic and an optimist.. but her heartfelt movies always hints at what we as Malaysians could be, if we forget about our differences and focus on what matters - the heart!

Back n Forth

2009-07-20T20:13:00.001+08:00

I'm back in Sungai Udang. At the same time last two days I was still going round and round TESCO Ampang with Uya trying to find the halogen light bulb. Property lesson no#1 - don't buy fancy lights that you have to go around town searching for bulb replacements! Even in IKEA (the place that same light was bought) the mentol is no longer sold, ye! How frustrating is that? Yikes! Nasib la Sunday got viewing appt for prospective tenant.. kalu tak memang la tak ganti lagi lampu terbakar tuh..

Anyway, I've been going to KL 4 weekends in a row now.. and yeah, it's starting to get to me (the kepenatan, I mean). I guess we just HAVE to have 4 rental properties sooner than later so that we can register this part-time thingy as a business entity.. and then perhaps I can hire a property manager to do all these 'tenant management' stuff! Hmm.. susah jugak rupanya nak jadi tuan rumah berjaya!

I hope all the works that we've put in now will put us in good stead in years to come. And hopefully all the back n forth driving will be worth it...

Happiness is..

2009-06-23T20:01:00.004+08:00

When my daughter likes my cooking (and had seconds!) :D ..
Spending time with hubby talking about everything n nothing.. Hanging out with cool friends, even in a 'stressful' situation like treasure hunting.. Reading a great novel that makes me think about life from a different view.. Watching a favorite movie uninterrupted while having a cup of hot chocolate..

It's funny how blissful life is in such simple things.. :)

The Climb

2009-05-24T00:19:00.003+08:00

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I mean I know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on coz

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

- Miley Cyrus

DDI what?

2009-05-04T20:26:00.004+08:00

I had my DDI feedback session today. For 3 hours. I never thought I could sit through a session that describes ME to me! haha.. Actually I find it amazing that someone can tell who you really are (to the very detailed traits!) just by observing your behavior (in a stressful mock work place) for A DAY. 9 hours to determine whether you have what it takes to further your career in a company (?).. hmm.. but, skeptical as I was, I'm actually glad I went to the assessment. For one, it confirms some of my understanding of myself - strengths and weakness (they call it 'challenges') - owh btw, the test indicates that I can be direct (as in telling people off) but I do it diplomatically! How about that? hahahahaaha... Anyway, to avoid me from becoming a future micro-manager, I am given a set of development plans. And this is where it starts getting funky! :D I'm such a left-brainer person (analytical / planner / logical) that I have to develop my right brain in order to become a better staff to the company.. and one of the solutions given to me is.. jeng jeng jeng.. TO PLAY MORE CREATIVE AND IMAGINATIVE GAMES WITH UYA! hahahahaha.. nampak sangat tak kreatif mak nyaa... isk isk.. I was told to do puzzles, handicrafts, drawing, painting, create stories from picture books.. you name it! Also to read 'Armchair Detective Series' and 'Lateral Thinking' by Edward de Bono.. hmm.. and believe it or not, I'm given a year to improve myself and my boss would be the one to evaluate me later. It was his idea actually. I guess he's been looking for more of 'out-of-the-box' ideas from me but I keep giving him the more obvious, logical ones :O Well, anyway.. I'm gonna do this. I'm going to try to be a right-brainer kind of person. Which might mean compromising some of my 'orderly' values.. you know, to become more artsy/free. I wonder if leaving my bedroom in such a mess counts.. eh, at least now I can say i'm developing a creative mind! heh..

Ipoh & Dead Cat :(

2009-03-27T10:57:00.004+08:00

I'm so happy to be back in Ipoh. For one, my shutdown work went really well (better than expected, seriously!) so alhamdulillah, I think I deserve a good break from work today. Bestnya melepak selepas berpenat lelah a few days ago!

Second, I'm trying to spend a quality time with my mom. Deep down I felt guilty somewhat coz I couldn't come back during Maulidul Rasul weekend hari tu. It's just that nowadays long trips with heavy traffic is getting to me! I don't mind travelling if hubby is around coz that means company.. we love to sembang2 during long trips. But now that he's not here, I'll be driving 'alone' in the car (coz Uya usually goes to sleep after like 30mins' drive) and that means (out of boredom) I'll drive faster just to get to my destination earlier. I just realized this coz Cilik pointed it out the last time we went outing.. hmmm.. not good. Anyway, we're back now (by bus late last night) and I'm thinking of taking my mom out to dinner and movie. Or a high-tea. Or a spa. See how la..

Third, I'm out of my house this weekend because of a dead kitten! Yupp.. somehow I think I accidentally killed a cat :( There's this small room outside my bedroom which interconnects with my bathroom. It's an open space that's supposedly for drying out clothes (?) dunno lah but we never used it. There's a grille and we put a wire mesh on it to avoid cats from jumping in from the roof (at one time kucing suka lah sangat berak kat situ kan.. tensyen!). I thought we got the problem solved, but apparently this kitten managed to claw her way in. Since the grille is quite high, the poor kitten was not able to climb back up! No wonder a couple of days ago I heard a cat mewing very loudly from around the house, but I thought it's coming from a neighbor's, so didn't think of checking that room. Finally one night this sooo bad, rotten smell came through the bathroom. I wasn't able to check it out early enough becoz the TA rendered me so penat that I only want to sleep when I got home. But the smell became so unbearable that I had to take a peek.

What I found was so gross - the dead cat is no longer visible as a cat! There was no more flesh or bone, just a bunch of maggots consuming the dead body. It smelled SO freaking bad (something like blood / rotten fishgut / rotten squid) that I can vomit now just thinking about it! That's actually the first time I saw a 'bangkai' up close (and a rotten one too) and gosh, having to throw it away is no mean feat, seriously! To stop myself from vomiting, I kept thinking that this is how we're gonna be like when we die - body full of maggots and worms and what not. It made me realize how short life is, and when we die, all physical aspects will go to rot, and only our soul will remain - to be judged on how we behaved and acted in this temporary world.

I'm so sad for the poor cat. I feel really sorry I couldn't save it earlier - if only I checked out the room when I heard the mewing :( I hope it will not come to me in the afterlife and demanded justice from my (in)action. Now I have to deal with the remaining smell (bilik tu takde drain point ye.. so no matter how much i tried to 'mop' the room, the water wasn't going anywhere.. yikes!) and since I can't deal with that now - I'm off to Ipoh at the moment. Maybe when I go back, I'll be in a better state to clean it up for good. And perhaps put bricks on the wall instead of only wire mesh...

Cousins

2009-02-18T21:25:00.013+08:00

I never thought I'd be so glad to be back in Sungai Udang! hahaha.. home sweet home :-) For the past couple of days I've been on the road because of the TA forum in Kuantan. Alang2 dah pergi east coast, might as well drop by my Along's place in Dungun, right? It's been so long since we last saw her and the kids (since raya puasa last year to be exact). Insyirah has grown up so much since the last time I saw her. And Uya was just thrilled to see Fea! Nothing beats playing with a cousin your own age! Tengok je la kerenah diorang ni..

The forum turned out to be better than I expected. I think I learned a bit more on turnaround management matters from many of the papers presented. The Kuantan Swiss Garden Resort & Spa didn't disappoint either. I especially liked the Samsara Spa! Finally got to go for a full body treatment - it's heavenly and a perfect anniversary gift from hubby (coz he couldn't join me there.. huhu.. ). Basically since Uya stayed back with Fea (thank you Along!) I kinda had a break from being a mom. Sekali sekala best jugak coz I've got time for myself.. hehe.. but I missed her terribly. 2 nights without her were enough la. Camne la dah besar2 nanti nak masuk skolah asrama ni? hmm..

Anniversary

2009-02-10T21:01:00.006+08:00

Happy 7th Anniversary my darling..

Here's hoping for many many more years to come! :-)

==================

I think I've told you before that I never thought

I would have been married by the time I was 25.

I was aiming more for 27; thus the Satria (haha)

But I guess I found what I thought

I wasn't really looking for then in YOU.

And that changes everything...

Thank you for all the love, patience and understanding

in all the years that we have been together.

You're such a wonderful hubby, Papa to our Uya,

and you're my best friend, too.

I hope our lives together will be blessed with more

happiness and health and wealth..

And yes, I'm keeping the Picture in mind,

hoping it'll come true sooner than we expected :D

Semoga jodoh kita berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat.. AMIN

Tadika

2009-02-02T21:27:00.010+08:00

I don't know why my internet connection is soooo slow nowadays! I haven't been able to see my friends' updates on FB, much less browse pics or upload mine on it. This entry also might or might not be uploaded ye.. it's that bad. So why do I even bother blogging (or trying to)? Coz I'm bored and dunno what to do. My darling daughter dah tido an hour ago, which is normal during her school days (kes no nap in the afternoon coz syok sangat main ngan kengkawan di rumah Che Pah). But the not-so-good thing is she left her homework unfinished and guess what? She seriously expected me to finish it off for her la kan! Next morning bangun tido her first question would be.. "Mama, homework dah siap ke belum?" isk iskk.. kenapa la aku kena belajar tadika balik ni? Adakah kerana waktu aku pegi Tadika Putera Puteri di Shah Alam 26 years ago tiada homework untuk dibawa balik ke rumah? hmm...

Talking about kids' homework, I noticed that tadika nowadays have become quite competitive, what with kids having to know how to read and write fluently (in both BM and English) by the time they enter Primary School. Gone are the days when Darjah 1 means just starting to learn your ABCs and 123s - now I heard even before masuk Darjah 1 pun ada entrance exam! Hmm.. unnecessary stress perhaps on the little ones? Or on their parents? Oh yes, now that I think about it, the stress must be on the parents! The ones who are teachers, engineers, doctors, lawyers... you know, the professionals... you definitely don't want your kids grouped into the lowest class on his/her first day of school now, do you? And thus began the competition.. the race towards becoming the best of them all.. the collector of the most As in PMR/SPM (err.. ke now UPSR pun dah boleh amik banyak2 subjects?)...

Well, don't get me wrong. A little competition is good, definitely. It motivates you to work harder and smarter to reach your goals. And kids do need to learn the discipline and persistence required to achieve a task. What I don't quite like about it is the stress on educational excellence to the detriment of the child as a person. I mean, what good if someone who's excellent in his studies is rude to his parents/elders? Or became a spoilt brat just because mummy and daddy gives in to his every wishes and fantasies as long as he gets the grades? What about economic (and money) sense? Street smart/survival skills? Moral values? Plus other things that you can't quite put a grade on in school?

I wish for Fairuza to grow up with a good head on her shoulder.. to know how to determine rights from wrongs.. to have principles.. to be able to decide for herself what is best for her.. to know what she wants in life.. to have a dream (not necessarily of becoming an engineer, unless she's really interested in the subject).. and to follow through that dream so that she can be happy and enthusiastic about it to the point of jumping out of bed every mornng to go do whatever it is that she loves to do. I've seen too many lives wasted not doing something that one loves doing.. and I hope the cycle won't continue to the next generation..

Disclaimer: This ramblings have much to do with how I feel about work now. I might change my mind and become a kiasu parent who sends her kid(s) to tuition classes, swimming classes and piano lessons just so I can participate actively in the rat race..

The Zahir

2009-01-22T23:01:00.003+08:00

'Marie, let's suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterwards, when they emerge and go over to a stream, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man's face is completely clean. My question is this: which of the two will wash his face?'

'That's a silly question. The one with the dirty face of course.'

'No, the one with the dirty face will look at the other man and assume that he looks like him. And, vice versa, the man with the clean face will see his colleague covered in grime and say to himself: I must be dirty too. I'd better have a wash.'

'What are you trying to say?'

'I'm saying that, during the time I spent in hospital, I came to realise that I was always looking for myself in the women I loved. I looked at their lovely, clean faces and saw myself reflected in them. They, on the other hand, looked at me and saw the dirt on my face, and, however intelligent or self-confident they were, they ended up seeing themselves reflected in me and thinking that they were worse than they were. Please, don't let that happen to you...'

- excerpt from Paulo Coelho's 'The Zahir'

I just love to read - like a friend said, it's a kind of 'escape' from the real world. When I read, I'm transported into the magical realm of the author's imagination. But the thing about reading, whenever I finished a book, the story will keep playing in my head, like some sort of a broken record player, and sometimes I can't shake it off fast enough. Like the time when I read this horrible, horrible story of an abused child in Dave Pelzer's 'A Child Called 'It'' - I was so horrified that a mother (like myself?) can do such horrible things to her flesh and blood! It makes me cringe and left a bitter taste in my mouth! It makes me wonder whether normal human beings (after all, the mother acted all normal when others are around..) can resort to such cruel acts when no one is watching, and what we are capable of when influenced by the devil?? Suffice to say, I cease to read such books, even though I've a friend who loves the genre becoz according to her it raises an awareness of what is probably happening around us.. (I hope not! huhu..)

Anyway, I finished 'The Zahir' last night and am still trying to put a name to what I feel (sad, melancholy, hopeful..hmm.. ) The story is about a reknowned multi-millionaire author who lost his wife because he became complacent and took his relationship with her for granted. Basically, it's revolved around the theme of love and how it could be lost and jaded when we are too busy 'making a living'. The book strikes a chord in many ways with my life, it's quite scary actually. I never want my relationship with FHA, my family and my friends to go down the same road. To quote the author - "being with someone else and making that person feel as if they were of no importance in our life is far worse than feeling alone and miserable in the streets of Geneva" - this is definitely something I wish I don't do (intentionally or unintentionally). Even though the book has a happy ending (sort of), it is a thought provoking read that I would recommend it to anyone. It's a tad longer (and more verbose!) than 'The Alchemist' but overall, I think Mr Coelho managed to get his message across just fine.

Now I need a lighter read to uplift my spirit! huhu... I wish Achique could just finish Sophie Kinsella's latest book ('Remember Me' is the title, I think) so that I can enjoy a good chick lit this CNY weekends!

I love this song..

2009-01-17T10:45:00.001+08:00

I Have A Dream (ABBA)

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy

To help me through reality

And my destination makes it worth the while

Pushing through the darkness still another mile

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

2 0 0 9

2009-01-05T20:09:00.004+08:00

I'm currently uploading my bro-in-law's wedding pix.. somehow tonight FB is kind enough (or is it the improved connection after I gave the PC a break for a couple of hours?) to let me do so. The wedding went smoothly, alhamdulillah.. even though I got sick the day before the reception at PB! Yikes! So much for 'helping out', huh? Sib baik the next day I felt better enough to stand (and smile constantly) at the hall's reception..

Anyway, hope it is not too late to wish all of you a 'Happy New Year 2009'! Somehow this year I felt quite 'subdued' to celebrate the coming of a new year.. coz maybe thinking of all the (huge) challenges ahead gave me the shudder! Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to do what I'm supposed to do.. but I guess Allah won't give you something that you can't handle, right? So.. jez need to toughen it up la..

Well.. looking back, 2008 has been a good year to us. Both me and Faeiz had the chance to be part of the company's Appreciation Dinner's organizing committee (where we got to meet Anuar Zain up close! hehe) and we won the 1st ever Amazing Drive (treasure hunt ala2 my favorite show Amazing Race)- jadik Grand Champion gitu in the trip from Melaka to Batu Ferringhi! :P When my bro came back for his summer hols, all of us family Pn Nooriah pegi mencandat sotong off Pulau Kapas (first time ever!) and despite the muntah2 and only like 5 hours on the boat (suppossed to be an all-night-long kinda thing) we had lots of fun. The kids also enjoyed trying to catch fishes when we went snorkeling at Pulau Kapas and due to my Along's extensive food-planning (hehe) we enjoyed fresh BBQ sotong/ayam/daging at the otherwise food-scarce island resort! :D Also, Sept 2008 saw Faeiz going to Kolkata on a new work assignment.. and for the first time ever, I became a 'single mom'.. huhu.. but insyaAllah only temporary. We have bigger things planned, and hopefully it'll come true. On the flipside, I lost my beloved Mak Teh early last year, after only a few months losing my Pak Long in Dec'07. So sad :( Now my mom and my Mak Lang are the only ones left of their 5 siblings..huhu.. I guess I've to try harder to show my appreciation to my dear ones coz really, you never know when they'll be gone, right?

Here's hoping 2009 will bring more good tidings to all of us.. Amin..

Being Alone (sort of)

2008-12-11T21:05:00.007+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted anything in here. To tell you the truth, I'm actually not that comfortable putting my thoughts out loud, though I sincerely (secretly) enjoyed reading through my friend's musings! :D There are certain blogs that I follow daily, ye.. daily! I also believe Che Narimah and other STF's English teachers (if they ever blog-hop, that is) would be so proud to see that their students are able to articulate their thoughts fluently in this language for the world to see. Tak sia-sia la usaha mereka, right? ;)

Anyway, it's been about 2 months plus that I've been on my own with Uya since FHA left for Kolkata. I guess I'm starting to get used to things - being alone (sort of) without him physically here. It sure helps that we communicate with each other daily either via sms/email and/or phone calls and also through the wonderful FB! How come I've never been interested in FB before?! It's amazing how I've been able to reconnect with long lost friends through it.. it's just so wonderful! Well, back to being alone - even though at the beginning it's kinda liberating (freedom, yeah baby!) to do anything and everything that I wanted without having to compromise with the partner - after a while it becomes tiresome lah pulak. Like everything you have to decide on your own. And having to do everything on your own pun (think car servicing, light bulbs/wall plugs fixing, betulkan washing machine rosak, etc) is sooo NOT fun! Made me realize that I've been taking FHA for granted for certain things while he was around.. huhu.. tu tak kira time yang tetiba rasa scary or paranoid of bad people breaking and entering the house! It's funny how if he's around, I don't even bother double-checking whether the front door is locked properly or how I turned to be this very electricity-savings-conscious person (suma lampu tutup di kala tidur ye!)... but now that he's not here, checking the front door twice or thrice before going to bed has become a routine; not to mention keeping the stair lights on the whole night (just so that I can check/see the shadows of bad people if they broke in - from underneath the bedroom door!).. talk about energy conservation, huh? Yeah, at times like those I miss FHA's the most. What got me through it is the thoughts of my mom la - if she can survive being alone (of sorts).. I guess I can at least try.. hmm..

But one thing that came out of this separation is the chance for me to rediscover myself. I think when you are married, your interests sort of 'merged' with your other half - especially so when you spend a lot of times together. But now that I'm alone, I realized that I can (try to) develop my old/other new-found interests - such as gardening, spending more time with my sisters/nieces and re-establishing/strengthening relationships with friends. Maybe I should also try to improve my cooking skills (though to get people to come and eat it is a challenge jugak coz close friends dok jauh2) so that bleh la impress FHA when he comes home.. hmm.. On the other hand, alhamdullah Uya so far has been an angel - she doesn't throw tantrums so much nowadays (I noticed she did this a lot more when her papa was home - definitely more manja with him la kan!) and basically we've managed to get along fine. Having said that, I've to say that I'm surprised at how mature she feels at times.. like when Mumbai bombings/terrorists news shocked us the other day, she cried saying that she didn't want her papa there and that she's worried if anything happens to him :( She also wasn't that excited if I told her that papa is coming home coz she said "he'll be going back to India soon, bukannya balik for good".. huhu.. she's only 5 and already realizing how the world works! isk iskk.. I just hope this 3-year stint will be the only time we're not together as a family and heck, if FHA is assigned to any other countries after that, we'd follow him around. Sib baik la he gets to come home every now and then..

The Race At Sunrise

2008-10-29T22:08:00.001+08:00

Every morning in Africa,
a gazelle wakes up.
It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion,
or it will be killed.

Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle,
or it will starve to death.

It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle;
when the sun comes up,
you had better be running!

-African parable (taken from J.C.Maxwell's 'Success One Day at a Time')

The first time I read this, I laughed out loud! Though of course it is not a laughing matter (survival, I mean). Coz somehow this parable about life in African safari somehow mimics MY life here in Melaka! Every morning I wish I don't have to 'run' to get through my daily routines. How I wish I can work from home (or better yet not work at all?). I wonder when I'll ever get that 'dream job' of mine.. though the way to get there is soo samar and kabur since I don't even know what that job is (the picture in my head is blurry, yes..) How can this be when I'm already in my 30s? Have I missed the boat / train? Oh no!!!

When I'm Feeling Blue..

2008-10-23T22:55:00.004+08:00

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense" - Emerson

Sometimes when things don't go the way that I planned it, I took a beating. I berated myself, said I should've tried harder.. and I felt somehow I've let myself and/or others down.. even though I knew I've tried my best. At times like this, I turn to Emerson's quote to cheer me up. Yup, bad things happened.. but life goes on. And thus, I've to move on, too.. and tomorrow is a brand new day to make a fresh start. I guess I just have to remember this more often.

Movie Marathon

2008-08-02T12:08:00.001+08:00

Watched 'Babel' last night - thought it was quite good. But 'King of Scotland' is better! No wonder Forest Whittaker brought home the Oscar for Best Actor! I was still thinking about Idi Amin's regime on the way to work yesterday.. heh! Imagine killing 300,000 of your own countrymen coz you're paranoid?! Gosh.. am glad the man was thrown out and died already.. isk..isk.. You see, we've been trying to catch up on Oscar movies, and so happens this one DVD ciplak got 9 Oscar winners in it! So apalagi.. movie marathon laa.. watched 'Happy Feet' also.. still got another 5 to go! Anyway, I wonder whether it'll be as much fun watching movies with Uya only when Faeiz goes to India next month.. huhu.. I wonder how I'll survive, even! Trying hard not to think too much of it, but we'll definitely miss him! Waa....